Fallen
by ohhthatgirl
Summary: I fixed lives while ruining my own. I've wondered if this is all worth it. I'll never be the girl from before. Never again will I be the joy of the Hidden Leaf Village. Never again will I be bright and cheerful. Never again will I be Haruno Sakura.


**Unbearable**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. But would be more than happy if I did._

**xox**

_October 17_

A messenger hawk stood on my balcony ledge. I removed the small scroll that was tied to the leg. It soared gracefully into the orange sky. I unrolled the piece of parchment. My eyes travelled across the words. I went back inside and sat silently as the whole world began to shatter.

_October 18_

I didn't think that I would be able to manage it. I was deviously crushed. I couldn't hold back the tears that I had denied for years. I sobbed. There was no acceptable way to describe my behavior. I couldn't help that my heart had – once again – been shattered into millions for microscopic pieces. I couldn't control any of it.

I found my sanctuary inside the room my mother had used as a nursery when I was a child, but had been later changed into an office. No one was going to bother search for me here. No, nobody would give a damn where I was. Only when I didn't show up anywhere the next day, would my few friends get concerned. By the time they had searched the village, I would be long gone. Somewhere no one would find me; somewhere I would never return.

Never in my sixteen years of life had I considered the thought of suicide. We'd had many cases of such in the hospital. I even remembered swearing to myself that I would seek help if ever in a situation like those poor souls. No, there was no one who would be able to help me now. There was far too much pain. I would never be the same smiling girl as before. I could never show myself to the world in the bright manner that I used to. How foolish I had been. Why could I not see the truth?

I _was_ a nuisance. I _was_ weak. I _was_ a burden. Most of all, I _was_ annoying.

Yes, I was all of those things… Why had it taken me so long to figure it out? People – my friends, even – had pointed it out to my face. They openly admitted the truth to me. I now realized they were right, and it was only my stubborn nature that shielded me from those facts. No, shielded wasn't an accurate word to describe it.

My stubbornness had only numbed the feelings, making them a million times worse when I finally felt the pain sear through my chest. It was excruciating. Girls complain about heartbreak, but this was so much more intense than anything I had ever heard about. This was much worse. Every dream that I had ever held close to my heart was now unreachable. There was no point in hoping for anything anymore. No, I realized, it didn't feel like my heart had split into two; it was like something had ripped it out completely, stabbing it repeatedly with a dull-edged kunai, just to get the sick pleasure of seeing me in pure agony. The pain was too much for me. I was not going to do this; I could not do this.

The thoughts comprehended in my head in a split moment. I knew that taking my life would not be my answer. It never would be. I was going to have to face the world and prove that I was able to be a strong girl. I would toughen up, no matter what the costs. I would trade my soul, if necessary. I would never be the same, but that didn't bother me as much as it would bother others. I would never back down, for anything.

Reaching into the desk drawer, I pulled out a kunai knife and swiftly cut a deep line over my left wrist; it would scar; a symbol of the devotion. The world would know that I was no longer pathetic. A contract made in my own blood, to myself. A satisfactory smirk graced my lips as I saw the blood flowing to the surface of my skin. For a brief second, I sickened myself. I was sinking so low. But the thoughts vanished as I lay my head down on the wooden desk, and fell into a slumber.

xox

_October 19_

A light tapping at the door made me look up. Had they discovered me so easily? It was still fairly early the next morning; around ten.

The tapping grew more pronounced. A tiny crack appeared, and a blue eye peered through. Once noticing that I was there, they opened the door more fully, and stepped inside. Wordlessly, he sat in one of the other chairs of the office room, and stared at me. His eyes easily betrayed his emotions – fear and worry.

He was that concerned about something so trivial? I scoffed. Then, something dawned on me. The contract was already starting to have affects. My sealed heart was as cold as ice now. I couldn't help but allow myself a small smirk. Things would take a turn downhill, though.

"You're a complete mess…" The boy murmured as he studied my face. The evidence of my breakdown must have still been obvious.

"I'm fine now," I brushed off the matter and stood. He rose, too.

"I don't believe you…" His words made my chest ache as another shockwave of pain hit me. I didn't allow myself to show it. He studied me more carefully. "Come out of here, please… We…" he paused, seeming to debate with himself whether or not to say something more. "We're all worried about you, Sakura-chan…"

I merely shrugged in response as I tugged off my medic coat which I finally realized I had been wearing since the night before. "Naruto, go home." My voice was uncharacteristically monotonous, he seemed to notice. "Get some rest, eat some ramen; you need it." He opened his mouth to object. "It's no use getting engaged in this matter. Don't make Hinata worry… She'll need to hear that you – and everything else – are okay… Please, as a favor…"

I could tell he was about to say no. The boy was stubborn as well. He seemed to see something in my face, for he stared at me for a long moment, and then gathered me into his arms. "Don't hurt yourself any more, Sakura-chan…" His fingers traced the fresh cut embedded into my arm. "I can't stand to lose you…"

_You already have, Naruto…_ "Don't worry about me…"

He planted a soft kiss on my cheek. It was a gesture I was familiar with. We had become almost inseparable the last two years. Nothing romantic – I cringed at the idea. He was like the brother I never had. I was his sister and only family. He gave my scarred arm one last squeeze before retreating out of my house, and heading towards the direction I knew the Hyuuga compound to be located.

I needed to get a hold of myself. I knew that. I felt the pain rippling across my chest, threatening to spear my heart once more. No, I would not allow myself to be weak. I would not allow myself to cry. I would not allow myself to be… _me_… This was going to make me stronger, I was going to be noticed for everything that I would be able to achieve. Now, I would finally live.

xox

_February 4_

The next few months passed without highlight. I worked at the hospital everyday, from the crack of dawn until past midnight. I would have come earlier and stayed later, however, Tsunade threatened to have me set on probation if I didn't follow her rules. I distanced myself from everyone else. My old friends and comrades didn't seem to know what to do with me. They – for the most part – left me alone nowadays. Even Naruto seemed to be more distant, though, it might have just been me. He would still invite me for ramen at the rare training sessions that I would show up for. I dully refused him, saying that I had to be at the hospital for my required rounds.

_Lies_

I know them to be, and I know he knows, too, but I can't help myself. It is my only distraction. I bleakly ignore the voices that tell me to go home and sleep – I obviously need it. I learned, though, that sleep would be near to impossible. I would have dreams, no, nightmares; always the same one. They played out in my head like a movie. They terrified me. So even as my body felt the stain of tiredness, I would not allow myself to close an eye.

xox

_March 6_

I hide well. The shattered remains of my heart stayed frozen. My emotions are almost extinct. It seems like I am in total control, and I enjoy it so much. No longer am I the annoying brat that slowed everyone down. I'm not the burden that needs all the help. With these few months, I have already developed enough to complete the jounin exams. I am fully accomplished, but I feel empty. No joy. There is nothing at all. I am a well-trained machine.

I fixed lives while ruining my own. I've wondered if this is all worth it. Give up this new attitude and return to how things used to be. Then, I look to my left wrist and see the scar of the deal that I made with myself. I'll never be the girl from before. Never again will I be the joy of the Hidden Leaf Village. Never again will I be bright and cheerful. Never again will I be Haruno Sakura.

xox

March 23

I thought suicide was the weak way out since… since then. But now I am reconsidering. Nothing is left. I am tired of pretending. I am living, but I am not alive. There is no purpose for me any longer. I cannot even come to say that I am sorry with my decision. I think that this will only hurt a few people. But there is no mystery behind this. You all should know why I chose this path. Goodbye.

xox

March 24

We came to her apartment mid-morning. We found the body. She had slashed her wrists with a kunai. Tsunade-sama said her death was slow and that she felt the pain until she lost enough blood and lost consciousness. Sakura-chan is now gone. We all knew that she was not the same after news of the death, but no one knew she would ever go to such drastic measures. We all knew that she still loved him. I should have known, though. I should have been here for her. This never should have happened. I should have stopped this…

xox

The body of Haruno Sakura was recovered at ten thirty seven AM on March 24. The body was found in the bedroom. Deep incisions were made in both forearms. A letter was found in the right hand (see attached). No obvious signs of struggle or forced entry. Death has been ruled a suicide. No further investigation is required.

The letter recovered with the body:

_October 15_

_Missing nin Uchiha Sasuke was located. ANBU agents successfully completed the mission. Target eliminated._

**xox**

_Hah. Wrote this ages ago. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. Originally it was just a rambling sort of thing, never intended it to become a story. So, just a quick summary incase the plot doesn't follow any logical pattern to anyone else. Sakura gets a letter. She becomes extremely depressed. The story is meant to follow her diary/thoughts and we watch as she slowly deteriorates. Things become too much, and she finally kills herself. Naruto is the first to find her. The letter "recovered with the body" is meant to show what triggered all of this to begin with; finding out that Sasuke is dead._

_So, sorry if it's terrible. And that I've been gone for such a long time. Not sure when I'll get around to posting again. _

_Reviewing would make me smile. And would earn you a cookie, maybe. :D_

_xox._


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